The Person He Became
by Razzmatazz Lady
Summary: A song-fic of change and redemption based on Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K. Alex wants to change for the better, but does he have the strength? More importantly, do Mulder and Scully have the strength to accept him? R&R!


The Person He Became

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The X Files or anything associated with it. Sucks, right? Relient K owns _Who I Am Hates Who I've Been_. Good song, though. Enjoy!!!

Alex Krycek stood on the brink of a cliff. It was a magnificent view. He could see the Pacific Ocean and perhaps even the edge of the world, or so it seemed. The sky above the horizon dyed with a thousand hues of pink, coral, lilac, and cerulean blue. It was the most beautiful thing Alex had ever seen. He wasn't used to beauty, only death and cruelty.

_I watched the proverbial sunrise_  
_Coming up over the Pacific and_  
_You might think I'm losing my mind,_  
_But I will shy away from the specifics..._

Alex wondered what Mulder would think if he saw his nemesis now. Alone. Regretful. He half wanted to talk to Mulder because, much as he denied it, the crazy agent was the only person he had an ounce of respect for anymore. He was the only person who might give a traitor a second chance. The other half wanted to keep Mulder and Scully as far away as possible.

_'Cause I don't want you to know where I am_  
_'Cause then you'll see my heart_  
_In the saddest state it's ever been._

He wanted a second chance. He hated where he was: working for people who tried to kill him, loathed by those who used to believe in him, betraying anyone who got too close.

_This is no place to try and live my life._

But Alex had given up second chances. He'd done the unthinkable. He had lied. He had stole. He had murdered. He had crossed the invisible line that separates trusted from hated, friend from foe, good from evil. Why had he done those things? Why had he blown it? If only Alex could go back…

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line? Well, I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said that_

_It's the very moment that_  
_I wish that I could take back._

If only he could explain to Mulder and Scully. He had finally changed. He was different.

_I'm sorry for the person I became._  
_I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change._  
_I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again_  
_'Cause who I am hates who I've been._  
_Who I am hates who I've been._

He truly was alone. He no longer associated with Spender and his group. He'd learned his lesson after they tried to kill him for the thousandth time. He couldn't vent or tell anyone what he was going through. Sometimes, when he was alone, he would just scream and beat the crap of everything in sight. Not that it helped. Nothing helped.

_I talk to absolutely no one._  
_Couldn't keep to myself enough._  
_And the things bottled inside have finally begun_  
_To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up._

But that would all change. Alex Krycek was going to change his ways. He would prove to Mulder and Scully that he was no longer a double agent. He'd gain their trust and keep it forever. He couldn't stay this way any longer.

_I heard the reverberating footsteps_  
_Synching up to the beating of my heart,_  
_And I was positive that unless I got myself together,_  
_I would watch me fall apart._

_And I can't let that happen again_  
_'Cause then you'll see my heart_  
_In the saddest state it's ever been._

_This is no place to try and live my life._

There was nothing that could stop him. The past was behind him. He wondered if the agents could forget so easily…

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line. Well, I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said that_

_It's the very moment that_  
_I wish that I could take back._

He didn't kill Mulder's father. He didn't kill Scully sister either. But he might as well have. Alex sat down on the overhang and sighed. Apologies were not his thing.

_I'm sorry for the person I became._  
_I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change._  
_I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again_  
_'Cause who I am hates who I've been._  
_Who I am hates who I've been._

Someone once said no one deserves trust. They have to earn it. That hadn't worked out so well for Alex so far, but there was always time. He would earn his second chance. But who would give him one?

_Who I am hates who I've been  
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.  
Who I am hates who I've been  
'cause who I've been only ever made me..._

_So sorry for the person I became.  
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.  
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again  
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.  
Who I am hates who I've been._

Alex stood up and went to his car. Strange how a sunrise can change a person permanently.

**Author's Note: **What did you think? I liked it personally, although it was a little repetitive. I've always felt that Alex Krycek was good deep down. And if twilight fan32 bashes him in her review, I will kick her butt. Please review!!!!


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